Legs, butt, a navel soon in nearing, the grass
that covers all our frames, the dirt upon the clearing
I fell there, drowning fast. I woke there too, wishing
still to stay, to sleep, to forever slumber, rest.
I lounged upon your back deck in the summer sun, rum
running fast, the dog laying beside me, heatcake she always is
snuggling close, looking at me sometimes confused (always confusedly so),
making me love her and you and that place ever the so much more.
I enjoyed your couch, your chair - wished to make love to you on every surface
on the countertop, the near kitchen table but no
my fist is the only thing I knew how to make, a hatred
of the day, they very way I suspected you soon of running, of caring this way so.
I longed to know you soon before - oh the many days, the hours we could have had!
Camping out, leaning close - expanding that house, even together missing your dad.
Why, why couldn't I have met you a decade thus before? Why
just crumbs on the dust matt by the door?
Why now do I crawl upon your foyer floor, why
too did I cry all the way to the airport, in an uber, a taxi, all.
For each these times two, a million more days separated still from you,
the day burns, my skin curns, benethe a star we dare not truly name.
You looked best in flats, told me so yourself, stood fast
in anger held - you sometimes also knew how to yell.
Your belly remained steadfast, I a wreck of love and a man
coming near yourself. Do you, don't you, won't you understand?
Not now, not in time, never - let me go therefore, if only
to simply
drown again.
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