I’ll Know I’ve Made It, When I Get That Painting Home - Reprise (7/14/2020). -M.Weisgerber

There's a shiver going up now over my shoulder

When I hear the sun a blowing, when nears the rain and thunder blowing horn

Gunna take the time, break strides of this tender babe clutching hard

The thin lines between feet going deep,

Here comes the body strong, a healthy song thrumming

A hardened soul amongst the shattered tongues

Cuz your gunna blow me hard, gunna blow me down

Take me there, take me home, roll me over.

We share our dreaming, from time to time

We share our loving, this chunk of key-lime pie; 

sliced as a heart, again and again and again

same story, same end.

honey hold me tight just one more night and I swear

I’ll never love her like you – never love like this again, never

feel the night air coming close never

hold your covers up below my nose, not.

A lost a son I never had, not a father always mad (so sad)

Caught in the alchemist nightmare, the tubes and the fumes twitching

Lost in a back room, walls, shattered dreams not made for this purpose, not

falling apart in the cold stream down the road not,

someone you'd ever like to hold.  

There's a shiver, blowing over my shoulder

Prepping for the hard rain, on a thin frame

There's a comfort in the sadness, held.

There's a comfort in the drizzle falling down that we all can know,

A sadness I’ll always hold, a simple longing for

Her hatred, her simple fact of knowing such release.  

Dearest Draven (reprise). 8/8/2020. -M.Weisgerber

Draven, dear lady, what else better can I say? I tried, I cried, I

begged everything of your time and your mother by which to come back to the days, the

ones that we used to cuss, to curse yet also to feel something more, something tall,

Yes, you grew up in this house full of punk, yes

the 80's have died and are gone, yes, I know that I really did but try babe, but

I know that soon enough we will die and you'll get to take over the brunt of this hurt, this shame, 

this pain.

You get to live between the words on this page, you get to punch to turn or to try then to burn, you

get your little curls stuck in a lock that seeks the edge of your mouth, the one I untied again

and again till I felt myself fall between filaments gathering round, those that catch quick.  Turn deep.

This blame that I'm feeling inside my frame, the cutting inside my brain, lady I

did the best that I could when I saw your strange eyes, stair up at the hope I had to hold, I

felt something break, something else grow oh-so-bold, I....I became stronger then.  

Babe, I wish I could hold the night sky and know the sweet supple attempts, the

hard way you pull me toward your heart, push away just the same at just the right time, we

men sometimes are bad like that, but I showed you strength, that I saw you through such pain,

Babe, call her back, scream your words up through a womb you still didn't, can't, won't know a 

lady that I once called my own, with whom I loved, doth did share a home, babe

cry the way I know you would, if you were given a chance at breath, a chance to try.

There is no cradle, there is no stretching shame or a catering of the pants, there

is no me coming up behind my love, to sup upon the try of our dearest romance, there

is nothing more I can do, so little more a gent can say its true, oh Draven, babe, lady

heart of my hearts that I make up here on the page, may it change

may it do more than stay the same.  

Break it now, somehow, before it 

breaks me.  

Thirst Trap (6/03/2020)

Sunday afternoons were our time to shine, at my old place,

at anywhere we could ever and want to be

watching the sun go down over the trees, you

 

falling so deeply in love with anyone other, I

feeling the same amazing presence, something more

that went up as all else seemed collapsing outward, onward.

 

I was slowly in many ways quickly beginning to realize,

that she really would not be there, in good times nor in bad

my corpse would rot, my eyes would fall

 

not just away from her, not just

glance in another direction, down and

my heart would plummet their too, so, no.

 

So why not run; why not beat her to the punch?  The opposite of love!

Didn't listen to the long (I'm hearing now)

Want to care, just want to sing along.

 

These lines would grow, the horror of my actions would spin,

fertile in their own dear right, spinning in the dead of night

(they are old, tried things wheeling, glancing over shoulders)

 

I realized she, we didn't know ourselves.  Needed,

to start with a different form of prayer, to

sing even within our sleep. 

 

We prayed then in our own way, wrote

so much spiritual poetry with bodies, and lives,

thus I doth made her leave.

 

Didn't mean to, never wanted, only needing

to understand, the pain, the many thoughts that 

come with wives, at night. 

 

So its me and the shame, me with another life,

Me and the blade, me by which to keep or toss away,

did a bad job the first time, a better upon the next,

 

I never prayed to God before I boarded that plane, never

asked for forgiveness, or tried finding another way.

So tired now, peaceful love,

 

Look out for those little headlights of yours, worrying darling, worrying

So many things in life to go so wrong

So often to set the only to a song.

 

I wrote much spiritual poetry, yes, now

to write to you.  To write of something more

between the phases of the moon. 

 

Of course I love you babe, a thousand times a thousand loves, these

letters son it never sets on my love, the drinks never they never

kept from the heart, the passion from caring.

 

Oh love, how I want to rip apart the sky.  How I wish

I love you I love you I don’t, couldn't do so anymore

Think I can(t?) say these words enough.

 

Just only wish this went both ways.

Thirsty, always...for something more. 

Hungry soon, morning soon, outside

 

the dark.  

Headlights soon.  Wake then and

soon to be ready.

Hey Other Love (8/3/2020)

It feels so wrong to put these words here, 

you beside the she, 

so, here it goes, 

anyhow...

Hey other love, I 

finally got down to those other long shores, the 

ones you waded upon long ago, floated there

followed them in time like you knew I always would,

called out to the open ocean with a song and a prayer

and a hope that all this would make sense somehow; could matter.

That the ink can't fall from the page, drain down the short table to

stain my shirt as it wound its way to way to the wooden floor.

Dribble off as I got lost in these tall mists, dreaming again - 

that the shore wouldn't go on and on or that in my clumsiness I

would fall or jump right in, same as then, same as always.

That shattered hearts really cant do much more than break

and break and break and break,

or fall in beside the rushing waves that call to claim them.

Though your dead now in oh so many awful, so terrible of ways

though your lip is a sneer along with a mind that makes a

snarl at all the thoughts spinning round from the broken days

alongside the though of him, of me, of my voice shaking, I still

wish to say these things still mattered.  I hear (heard?) you -

the days they didn't drift off outwards totally into oblivion.

You're a flashback along a reel on the one film being screened in town, sure

(nothing then to borrow, every inch only to hold, to listen, to follow somehow)

...but the land here is beautiful in a way that your soft feet would know,

once felt here, may (hopefully) do so again, as on my heart

carved out a space, then echoed out to a place where any who

looked or tried or even dared could find them.

No more adieus you fool - not from this simple man, or any others

Its not, shouldn't ever be though of as any form of....of...of...

Fuck your weakness, fuck your entitled sense of harassment, you'll

grow one day to see that other love takes on many forms...

Good luck.

Seeing in the Darkness (8/1/2020)

Those little headlights, how they cut through the dark land merry form of rain
coming here, singing near, a punkish song to name, (to shame?  to claim?) 

I knew them in the coldness, shook the dampness from my wares, I

will seem them again in sadness, before heart gives forth despair.  

I hated when you traded it, I hated the names you called my face, my love

the yells ringing over my heart, the disease carried as we parted

I once washed that car and caressed its form; once you knew my ways.

So I fell in love there in that four door steed of steel, I

wish that simple car would have continued till the end, our hearts

falling into its simple mockery.  For it held you, claimed us both

drove on a hundred thousand martyred ways, one of which was to me from you.

For when you got a new one, everything it changed, I
fell inside, I twisted there, I even forgot my name.

I forgot the things that mattered, struggled with the flame, I
didn't know your weakness, I tried to shoulder all the blame.

I went so far away that nothing these days they felt, I

cried into another void - the one that comforts lightly, the

days that lack the sun.

But those days are now behind us, you turned so from the happy rays, I

felt a breaking coming, but with you I had fun, a cut; my love.  

With you I found simple subtlety of joy, with

your heart I did find love, with a simple calling I knew, I tried, I
did all that I could, I swear.

I didn't stop the breaking, I now have a steady hand, 

You turned your face towards sadness, an attempt to find

a better man.

So go away as much as you think you can, I

have immortalized you here with a higher powers yearning,

How I can; an attempt at 

a stanza rising.  

Reminder (9/26/2019-5/29/2020). -Others and a Little Bit, of ME

"Sept 26, 2019

Mark,
I wanted to send you a few things
to remind you of home.  And to
remind you of our love.  I am
very happy that you appear to
be settling in and that your new
job is off to a good start.  I am
so excited for the new
opportunities that have come your
way and will continue to arrive.
I look forward to celebrating
your success with you.  And
you know I will be there (here?)
for you in tough times as well.
I miss you a little more each day,
I love you and I love us.

(Heart)"
Her.  You.  What
Once
Was
and
Never
Meant to
BE.

No love, I haven't forgotten, yes
I hold these words so true, oh
God how they burn they curse they
at the moment don't ring so very true. 

I didn't make it, settle, in, we didn't last,
what then is the purpose of the words, when
all is lies, all is broken, all time
has passed.

There certainly was no home, there isn't now any love, your
not all that very happy, the job has failed and gone.
I've certainly collapsed apart there's nothing left to rate of celeb's, you
really didn't care, when I most really needed you, you certainly

were not there.

I don't think that you now much miss me, our love it fell apart, I
don't want to hurt or hit reset, I
don't think I have the time, the patience, the heart.  I
really want to love you, I desperately want these words to be true, I

wanted them to be so then, be so now, I...god love, I
still very much am in love with you.
I want to send YOU some small things, I really
want/need/crave/desire a home.  I really need some love, love,

before its said and gone.

I really need to matter, I need someone to care, I
think I've once more stumbled, again, I
really wish you cared.

No more from the table, no more in the halls, this world its all
of darkness - its broken, now I continue the fall.

So take these words from you to me now then back to you, may
it shine a light on all the bad things, may it be an omen true, may
its simple words have mattered, may your heart carry you far away, for
we all are soon for bed, and even my name....I guess it didn't matter anyways.

Adieu. 

Cant Listen to the Music No More (5/29/2020). -M.Weisgerber

Hey love your infection its spreading, this organ of bliss
not beating any more with a passion, only throbbing as a head, the
love I feel not congealing, the bleeding its all amiss, a
simple son is setting, the time we shared I miss.

So its country tunes I listen to, its all the flavors I couldn't stand, for
when your kicked out of heaven, you can't be a picky man.
When the soft light fades, when the banjo strums on and on, its
the other life I think of, its the moments surely gone.

I can't think of Paris, or the sand below my toes, I
can't listen to the coqui, or the sounds of things I love.
Its all ruined, broken, scattered, gone; I think 1/64th of me would agree,
I chumped it, its screwed - worse, you wont (can't) forgive or forget about me

I must have done a death march, I must have let the sadness win
I miss the time when resting heads on chests, only meant
that I was able to listen to the heartbeats - supple, true, amen.

So if you tend to get this, if the words sing true, I'm
sure you'll see the error, I'm sure you'll see the love for you.
For its not a failure rising, its not this world of sand; if
you have a ring, then forever I'll hold your hand.