Moonshine (8/31/2020) - M.Weisgerber

You and I we share this open wound,

yours down low, me enough to drive every man

even the very boys far out past the glen, beyond to the valleys even

somewhere towards punk obscurity, bleeding there profuse and ably.

Its all beautiful there past your closed window blinds and

no matter how much I cry or scream to the void beyond you you remain

Unmovable.  

No that's still you, yes it's there, unflappable yes

it lives between the starshine reflecting back at us sometimes yes 

it matters still, no I don't want to go away from this yes

I will.

I want to see those gents in black lounge there under a hot sun, look

out upon the Tetons and not be moved, see

the very heart of you clicking, beating away unchanged.

(I wanted to beat them) 

Even that seems not to matter somehow, just long paint.  

Its a twisting of your cuffs, the very walking of your dog that

is a subtle reminder that the world needs to go

somewhere that is in yet here.

For I've seen that woman in true throws of passions, I've

seen the remnants of love that could yet be (have been), I

was lucky enough to hold that hand, have it twist round

the very heart of the very part of me that matters so.  

To someone, at least.

Yea, yea sure I've shared that head, that bed yea

been best, better than I've ever yet been

knew all the chords, felt the fray rising, settling,

crying now that my fingers only refused their duty to play. 

No, no more - my heart it once knew they way.

No more aspiring, for she does not need it, want it - refuses even

to stand amongst the attempts at cheating or loving and hated passions all

driving us away.  No she doesn't.  Maybe she cant.  

I'm sorry love, that now's t he time, the season grown, I'm 

sorry love for these words are simply not my own I am

sorry, yet a heart of love, a life of joy I'll

forever be an attempt at holding you and this life, this gift of sweated love its gone

somehow 

astray.

Adieu.  Then,

you.

Hey Other Love (8/3/2020)

It feels so wrong to put these words here, 

you beside the she, 

so, here it goes, 

anyhow...

Hey other love, I 

finally got down to those other long shores, the 

ones you waded upon long ago, floated there

followed them in time like you knew I always would,

called out to the open ocean with a song and a prayer

and a hope that all this would make sense somehow; could matter.

That the ink can't fall from the page, drain down the short table to

stain my shirt as it wound its way to way to the wooden floor.

Dribble off as I got lost in these tall mists, dreaming again - 

that the shore wouldn't go on and on or that in my clumsiness I

would fall or jump right in, same as then, same as always.

That shattered hearts really cant do much more than break

and break and break and break,

or fall in beside the rushing waves that call to claim them.

Though your dead now in oh so many awful, so terrible of ways

though your lip is a sneer along with a mind that makes a

snarl at all the thoughts spinning round from the broken days

alongside the though of him, of me, of my voice shaking, I still

wish to say these things still mattered.  I hear (heard?) you -

the days they didn't drift off outwards totally into oblivion.

You're a flashback along a reel on the one film being screened in town, sure

(nothing then to borrow, every inch only to hold, to listen, to follow somehow)

...but the land here is beautiful in a way that your soft feet would know,

once felt here, may (hopefully) do so again, as on my heart

carved out a space, then echoed out to a place where any who

looked or tried or even dared could find them.

No more adieus you fool - not from this simple man, or any others

Its not, shouldn't ever be though of as any form of....of...of...

Fuck your weakness, fuck your entitled sense of harassment, you'll

grow one day to see that other love takes on many forms...

Good luck.

Seeing in the Darkness (8/1/2020)

Those little headlights, how they cut through the dark land merry form of rain
coming here, singing near, a punkish song to name, (to shame?  to claim?) 

I knew them in the coldness, shook the dampness from my wares, I

will seem them again in sadness, before heart gives forth despair.  

I hated when you traded it, I hated the names you called my face, my love

the yells ringing over my heart, the disease carried as we parted

I once washed that car and caressed its form; once you knew my ways.

So I fell in love there in that four door steed of steel, I

wish that simple car would have continued till the end, our hearts

falling into its simple mockery.  For it held you, claimed us both

drove on a hundred thousand martyred ways, one of which was to me from you.

For when you got a new one, everything it changed, I
fell inside, I twisted there, I even forgot my name.

I forgot the things that mattered, struggled with the flame, I
didn't know your weakness, I tried to shoulder all the blame.

I went so far away that nothing these days they felt, I

cried into another void - the one that comforts lightly, the

days that lack the sun.

But those days are now behind us, you turned so from the happy rays, I

felt a breaking coming, but with you I had fun, a cut; my love.  

With you I found simple subtlety of joy, with

your heart I did find love, with a simple calling I knew, I tried, I
did all that I could, I swear.

I didn't stop the breaking, I now have a steady hand, 

You turned your face towards sadness, an attempt to find

a better man.

So go away as much as you think you can, I

have immortalized you here with a higher powers yearning,

How I can; an attempt at 

a stanza rising.  

Reminder (9/26/2019-5/29/2020). -Others and a Little Bit, of ME

"Sept 26, 2019

Mark,
I wanted to send you a few things
to remind you of home.  And to
remind you of our love.  I am
very happy that you appear to
be settling in and that your new
job is off to a good start.  I am
so excited for the new
opportunities that have come your
way and will continue to arrive.
I look forward to celebrating
your success with you.  And
you know I will be there (here?)
for you in tough times as well.
I miss you a little more each day,
I love you and I love us.

(Heart)"
Her.  You.  What
Once
Was
and
Never
Meant to
BE.

No love, I haven't forgotten, yes
I hold these words so true, oh
God how they burn they curse they
at the moment don't ring so very true. 

I didn't make it, settle, in, we didn't last,
what then is the purpose of the words, when
all is lies, all is broken, all time
has passed.

There certainly was no home, there isn't now any love, your
not all that very happy, the job has failed and gone.
I've certainly collapsed apart there's nothing left to rate of celeb's, you
really didn't care, when I most really needed you, you certainly

were not there.

I don't think that you now much miss me, our love it fell apart, I
don't want to hurt or hit reset, I
don't think I have the time, the patience, the heart.  I
really want to love you, I desperately want these words to be true, I

wanted them to be so then, be so now, I...god love, I
still very much am in love with you.
I want to send YOU some small things, I really
want/need/crave/desire a home.  I really need some love, love,

before its said and gone.

I really need to matter, I need someone to care, I
think I've once more stumbled, again, I
really wish you cared.

No more from the table, no more in the halls, this world its all
of darkness - its broken, now I continue the fall.

So take these words from you to me now then back to you, may
it shine a light on all the bad things, may it be an omen true, may
its simple words have mattered, may your heart carry you far away, for
we all are soon for bed, and even my name....I guess it didn't matter anyways.

Adieu. 

Sad Now (4/23/2020). -M.Weisgerber

Can't hold, cant call, can't be anything at all, really
just feeling selfish then, the same thing now as then
bored again, a Friday come to gone,
a sigh moving towards a song

For when last I burned, she looked away, she
deftly turned her head as I reached out, and
the lit fingers, smelling of charcoal reaching
had no effect but to stink upon her nose

Its a funny thing, to twist upon the cinders,
it makes a heart a churn, a shudder so, a slow amongst the yearn
For all is madness upon the strewn glass, all cannot cope, losing hope.
the clog; a clutter amongst her lashes.   


All I got was static, sweet music thought upon the other end.
Couldn't be bold, couldn't last, moved too fast,
only crash and burn and burn and forever to keep with burning.
(This machine is jamming, the gears now they are a are failing)  


So if I walk away, if I choose the boat or gun or goat or ledge,
-the many miles out to see where waves where only God can find me-
will it matter then, the waves riding high, the ring upon the water?
Where are the places where the cool kids go off to play?

Love has seized that willing heart, did add another lock, a chain.
Drowned now, ever so worth the pulling down hold called nakedness,
These strong bonds, a body yielded to both, wielded so
Love that cripples upon the staying.  

So what is the right call then, as the day begins to fade?
What is the right path, when the waves give way to loss?
What is the strong bond, that never yields to give?
What are the right words, when all the world is dead?

See that figure out upon the water, or maybe sleep down there in the deep swim


Its fine though - knew you would be selfish from the get-go, and
I hope not me thus to be for long
slow now, everything is just moving fine, if oh if now so very slow, spinning now.

Other Worlds than These (5/19/2020). -M.Weisgerber

If a rabid rhinoceros was to have trampled you, run you down there back in June,
They would have given me time, let me cry, lick the many wounds maybe, but
been pushing me fast towards the door just all the simple same.

If a flock of hummingbirds carried you away on a sultry September eve, they
would have possibly considered letting me back for a moment, most of my life out there in boxes
upon the front lawn, anywhere else - confused at why I even bothered.

(I don't know why you hung out the zoo so much those days, or
why all the animals are out upon the loose, but its a funny thing to consider just the same)

----------------------------------------


If that car crash had killed you once upon a Thanksgiving sadness, no one
would have liked me there, all guarded eyes, shocked at my tears and passions
and many kind Christian words still left to say. 

If this thing going round now were to take you soon, they would be angry I even noticed
dared to speak aloud your name.
No allowances, remittances - just go far and far away.

(It all feels like hate now, and I dont think
those cold and heavy weights best suit any of you)

---------------------------------------- 


Is this any way to live: surely not!
This is the life of fear between diving boards so long, but its love dear darling, it
was worth it for your flame, worth it for the chance to be better than the same.

It is what I tried to explain all along, why I thought your foolish ways of running
wouldn't do any good in the end.  If God draws all children, and its later then back to games,
how do we manage, what crosses will be left then there to carr-y?

(So yes, I found the lessons, got back to that point I always needed yet to be,
your still alive though, still bogeying, yet none of it feels tame)

----------------------------------------

Still, five years on I will still love you just the same, fifty years on I will
still be proud to carry our time, such jokes, the laughs, whatever you call yourself these days
be the man you helped build, shift, make, always with banner held high.

So pass on in whatever manner you best think there will suit you - I promise
I wont give up upon the hope; the Godsong still is calling.
The reason is simple, the truth not soon forgot: our time it mattered, for in the end

there are other worlds, than these.  
 

The Tattoo (4/22/2020). -M.Weisgerber

Love, its time: take me, tame me, brand me, love me all
for its written on my chest, as well as the stars,
this little life, a line, a lie, seen, saw.

I should have listened then, did not know your flame, I
should have loved more as well, I
didn't know the game.

Broke these fists upon the ledge, didn't
ever really feel the same.  For the same mono
on my lungs, is the same slavery as your drugs.

So take me, brand me, hold me, all, for
I'm an oafish clown, fallen down:
drunk on a paupers caul.

Its time - I didn't know the simple words,
that I'd need to heed the call.
(take me, tame me, brand me, love me all)

Black Heart (4/22/2020). -M.Weisgerber

Baah Bahh black heart, have you any where to go?
No sir, perhaps sir:
it depends on whats your mood?

No drugs, no drinking here, just
regret loads by the balefull, boats loaded
with troubles nearing
I, a kinder man, rue the days of passing.

One for the mouth hole, one for the lane,
one for the kind lass, we love all the same,
for bahh to the raahh to the stop inside the chest,
I don't know the day, cant seem to get any rest.

But what do you care?  Here lies just a man, he's just a simple organ, growing still
one that needs his yells and his time and his scolds
Lying still, lying forever onwards, downward all,
Lay, lie, laid - let it all be death and just the same.

I wish you stalked me like him, I wish you cared enough to let me back in, I
hope when its done it will matter (i dont feel like anything here as of late matters)
I don't want to feel this way, feel different - oh lord to feel the same.
(It takes me, shakes me, all).

For blah blah black thoughts, have you any soul?
No sir, no sir,
28 dames full.
(More coming sometime, soon..)

2019 (4/22/2020). -M.Weisgerber

Hey love, did you want me to come to your presentation?
"What, NO, now go away, why would you ever ask?"

Me standing there beside the reflection, watching your petty fears, seeing
that box your painted yourself into catching up along with the days
and all the nights we shoulda spent crying.  I miss you so much, that
the ride of my heart sings along with the song trailing fast alongside
of my mind - oh how it hurts.  Oh how, foolish this will look when we
look back on the time, ignoring all the other ways we shifted
and sighed..

Me standing here, knowing I wouldn't be invited anyways.
But there I go, loving you again, being taken by the small simple things,
the way your voice, your shift of hips takes me in the eve,
when your annoyed, when you break into sudden cheerful happiness!

Hey love, I
Hope you know that I always got caught up in the
little things that made you you.  The holidays, where
all your simple cheer, and smiles, and the way you pulled on through
a wife
a former wife
was enough to startle me into motion, keep this flooded engine going, and
for a little while, turn the world upon its
axis.

Another Way? (4/16/2020). -M.Weisgerber

These things, they happen to have an expiration,

like the pelvis shrinking down, itself curling into that cut of pain;

a shortness of breath, a tugging again and again at the flesh,

below the hands - those tools best used for hurting.  

Yet what do these trifles matter, compared to the heart?  

Oh, that organ it shifts, and pumps more than precious petals, or

rosewater scent out onto my lady's clavicle.  

Can it pause, shudder there along with my breath?

Anything to remind me of her, anything to hold

so close, so dear a tearstain on a letterhead that cant hold

all the passions I'm still left here grieving.  

The things that never were, and never

soon shall be, once more.  Again?

Keeping my room from being too clean, to neat, to trivial, for

oh the suffering, it is real, there will come a time for all to

bow before that hurt and hate and all the things that make our madness wellspring.

To let the water drip down through rafters, along, over, everything.  

The red cliff it watches, glances, glares down- thunderheads grown demon form there.

The hard dial, it clicks closer, so ever closer to the moment when, then

the bottom bag it bursts, the best made plans cinder, wood ash meltwater making lye, when we suddenly don't have a choice, no madness, quietude, either.  

To pray and pray and grovel, yet always knowing,

fighting against the urge, the edge, the gaping chasm pulling all light down, ever

that secret subtle knowing, that possibility, a turning, a leaping glee can follow,

For there is always another way: there is always...  there is always...

To make a choice then (softly, quickly) and then?  

And rest their, quietly, at least for another day.  

You Replaced Them All (on that I try not to pray, to dwell) (4/13/2020). -M.Weisgerber.

No, don't do it babe, dont
run, I knew the way you would and,
all the madness that I oh fuck its all just falling apart, held so dearly nearly why.

Again.  Its,
Peace you hold.  Tragedy bold.

No, I beg, put the blade and my heart a down,
it hurts, oh god it burns worse than the nights I ended up
on a floor, a, sometimes your a puking there (I never filled your bowl)

No.  Just.

My heart, it churns upon the back of a dinosaur, the
first frost of a hard december day and my brain a caving in.  Dont.  Stop.
There is love there, and believing, and though I don't know how
to give up the fight, and watch you pass to that other world (so bright), I...

I.  I.  I struggle dearly.  Its all madness, and blackness, and the
spinning tales once told.  I...
Will repeat them on high, to
anyone who will pray, listen.
Begging pretty please, I mitre to the sky.

And though we are dead out there, chilling to the world I, you..  you...

It's you.  You.  Its.  Yououoou...
(Somewhere along this dying brain.)
Sane.  In there.
Why.

Dreams (for no, for not) (4/11/2020). -M.Weisgerber

Get your butterfly nets, get your giant hooks a sharpened
ready for mouths a gaping, the eyes flopped lollygaged style floundering, sifting, lounging.
Feel them in, gaff them well, club and club and club
until the feet dont feel well, or see the light; till toes cant stand the dancing.

These emotions, they feel like insanity rising,
they seem like stick stuck caught between the hard walls,
bouncing off the long halls, fleeing, gaining near to you.
All the flavors of a hug held near (sell it, dear)

For the only time I forget you, is in the imagined arms of another nearing,
which is a lie for none compete; they are stories strung true, twist clearly
yet I wake each night - yes, every single night, crying, feeling listless
from dreams of your hands there, outstretched, so near.  Nearly....

She caught me as one does a gift, did not turn away
that female folly, coming near, oft draining down.
You pull me into me, I sometimes spinning and don't know what to do
you shift me in to you, that kiss stopping time and mercy up and unto itself.

Babe, I woke from this day amongst a dream of you,
at the top of the stairs, sitting in that tightened way
saying all the things I thought I needed, wanted, desired now to bear
Not trusting that version of you, for the real you it churns

in all its twisting brain matter, punked me dearly,
Struck me clearly with a strait look, a wiggled butt
(The way she danced down the hall, grey walls decorated dearly)
She didn't revolt enough there, it seems!  Getting her hair a ready.  A dream?  XD

Babe, visit thus again, thus prep your hands for the holding
for its getting dark, your symbols quickly disappear
time continues to draw us, all the sad songs bind us,
till the Son comes round once again.

Babe, come again,
for the shades are falling, the stars are calling;
the dark, its getting near.
The cold, it rises.

Oh, so very dear; the nearing.
Adieu.

A Fallow Sound a Coming: a Cry Amongst the Rents (4/8/2020). -M.Weisgerber

A pointe made all of Cedars, yet the smell
of grease, of petrol in the eve, burning bright
as our hearts, our passions rising
I miss the high heights, the passions that we forever held
never saw the forest there, never
cut past the limelight sighing.

Ride that bullet, a magnum falling
the dark closing fast, times coming still
the stars aligned, our
tepid passions spilling out over one another,
excitement growing:
for we were kids then, and
forever children yet will be. 

Will you cry with me in 2012,
weep along with my birthday nearing?
No, they will drag you from some strange park,
a corpse chilling on chill June eve,
along with my heart, a part of me I'll never know.

They'll beg to know what drives me, they'll
spell the warnings on the sidewalk
spill the wine with the heartache, the heroin
clogging up my arteries,
making life in front of me,
something dangerous, and yet
never yet will be. 

So cry with me, the women that will never understand
pray with me, a heart that cannot process, cannot
become one beside the land.
For there is a strange ghost coming yet to claim me,
a fire burning bright, still lie there in front of me. 
Done tonight, and yet never can quite compete. 

Pray with me; we'll need it (3/14/2020). -M.Weisgerber

Pray with me; we'll need it

For we both know what this is,
The day, the way, a time we each don;t need.

Debauchery tried and true

Swelling, aching - the starvation of a soul,
Of anything, anyone far away from the make of us. 

You act like its important, these things flying round our heads
I tried to explain, question that I can't come home again.

Its us, babe: its all the things we thought and always tried to be

I nursed the phone, I became addicted to the tune
the screen, the screams, the many molecules
turning, twisting, of a head that yet could be

I tried all the things I've never thought I've been

So strong now, with nothing much to gain

So tired, yet have to continue to push through the pain

I can't come home now, ever, yet, then, anyways: but what of you?

So you asked me to pray, I did not disappoint.
I fell upon my knees, and out came pop my heart,

I try to ask the same, but that organ is on the floor
You need it, it seems, to ask

A channel up to god, always

Pray when you see her.

I never prayed before our love.
Or after it was done.

For a heart is big enough, for us.
For that time that is kind enough, for us.  

Interpretation (Oct 30th, 2019). -M.Weisgerber

First Poem Ever Written To Me:
I'm not the kind of girl you'd write poetry about

I don't have a face you'd go to war for

You wouldn't use soft metaphors to describe me

Or risk your life to win me back

Yet I am like a summer's day,

Scorching and unforgiving, even late into the night

Like a great battle,

I leave a wake of wounded.

Rebuttal (Sad n True),

Yea, battle hardened: I get that.

Pessimistic, and hard headed too

I get it all, fought along with the best of them

Cried along with the rest of them

The laughter piling on

The flailing bodies still flailing, smiling, falling all around.

Fight babe, rail against the coming of the hate

Forgetting, burying the worst of them,

(And me?)

Or at least enough to put the sword a down.

A charnel hate beginning to grow,

that dreaded war amoungst ourselves.

Sing then:

Throw a tune out, to see who hums along.